YAY! YAY! YAY!

I didn’t see that one coming. Not.At.All.
Because I still see all the nasty haze in my vision.
Yep. All of it.
And the Doctor has zero clue if it will go away.
He says that it “might” but that it “might” be “a while”…
Or… the damage “might” be permanent.

And.
This also means that the EVIL medication actually worked.
EW.
I HATE the EVIL medication. And I was really, really looking forward to flushing the remainder of the bottle straight down to Hades… but, alas, that is not going to happen.
However, I do get to “taper down a bit”. Apparently this means that I get to take a little less of the EVIL than I have been and see how I do over the next three months. Hmmm….

Whatever. I’ll take it.
And I guess I’ll take the diagnosis of Pseudotumor and wear it proudly, even though it totally sounds fake.
Because. The medication worked! (Holy CRAP! Something worked on me!) I am NOT going to go slowly blind! I am ELATED. And I only care a little bit if the vision damage is permanent. Just as long and the damage has STOPPED. Just as long as the headaches have stopped and the balance issues have stopped. I’ll take the haze and the weird sounding diagnosis…. As long as it really is over. As long as I really don’t have to worry about this anymore.

Because.
Didn’t you know?
I am SO DONE with ALL the health stuff.
And today was SO great to be able to check one off of the list.

Now…. If only this relapse of RSD would just go away I would be…..
Well, I would be just this side of “normal”…
Which would be NEW.

**I am so happy to have normal optic nerves again!**
YAY for treatable Pseudotumor!

Fun for me.
Yeah, right.

I’m hoping that this will, obviously, be NOT long.
Because, guess what?
IT HURTS!
It’s like, all of the sudden the ground got, like, ten THOUSAND times harder, on ONE of my feet. (The right one, if you were wondering.) So, putting pressure on my right foot, like, really sucks. It hurts a lot. And, I really try not to do it. But, that makes walking and standing really awkward and difficult.

Enough of the depressing RSD talk.

Umm… so, remember when I posted those videos of Drunk-Girl the other day?
Well, SNL, I believe, has found a somewhat replacement for her….
Meet SNL’s version of “Jersey Shore’s”, “Snookie”. (I, out of good conscious, cannot bring myself to link to either of those things, because, WHOA. The show is just WOW and the other is also just HOLY MOLY.)

Here you go. A present from me (and by “me” I mean SNL) to you:

Anyway. Hope you enjoyed that.
I know I did.

I’ll let you know when I get to start week 3 again….
And when the BURN stops…
And when the relapse goes away…

Since it is winter (um, it’s freaking COLD out there) and I am running on the Mill, I can tell you that the pace that I “run” at is a 14 minute, 17 second mile and the pace that I walk at is a 20 minute mile. I told you that I was happy I could take this program at my own (leisurely) pace… and, well, I am also very happy that this is NOT a race. Cuz…. uh…. I would be, like, uh, LOSING! But, whatever, right? I may be “running” at a pace of a somewhat fast walk, but I AM running (~cough~ jogging ~cough~) and that is saying something considering that I do happen to have one angry, protesting right foot on my hands.

So, how is the angry foot?
Last night, after the run/walk, I thought all was well and usual. The foot was dark pink, a tad swollen and tingly. Big deal. Been there lots of times and I have learned to largely ignore and move on. Which is exactly what I did. Fast forward to this morning at about 6:03 am.

Two words I have for you:
The. BURN.

I had actually been sleeping well. I know because I hadn’t woken up once last night and I hadn’t been half awake all night. So, to awaken from such a deep, wonderful, sleep only to experience BURNing pain and the sound of a moan escaping my larynx is not the greatest way to wake up. I couldn’t even bear to have the sheets touching my foot. It was enough that air had to touch it. Every few seconds brought what felt like fine, flaming needles that would jab into my poor foot ceaselessly. After the flaming needles went away the temperature of my foot would drop to well below zero and I would attempt to warm it up by putting it under the sheets. Not a great idea… Because then the flaming needles would return and the temperature of my foot would soar to literally two-million degrees. (Ok, maybe not literally, but you get the idea.) Then, the cycle would begin again. (And as I lay here typing out this blog, the cycle is still happening, even though I am writing in the past-tense.)

Oh, yes. I can’t win when the RSD decides to hang out in it’s pajamas and watch an after-school special inside my S-1 nerve. Nothing.Helps. NOTHING. And I hate it.
And I also don’t know how long this is going to last.
And I also don’t know if I’m going to be able to put shoes on today. And that’s always good times.

I don’t know if this running project of mine is making this happen.
I kinda don’t think so because this stuff has been going on anyways for three years. If the frequency of the BURN goes up, or the intensity of the pain, or if new symptoms of RSD start happening, then I’ll blame the running project. But until that happens, I am loathe to blame Project: Nello Runs and jump ship this early.

RSD seriously, seriously sucks. I am reminded of that fact, especially, on days like today where it really, REALLY hurts and threatens to disrupt my day and my family’s day. I really HATE that right now I am not sure what shoes I am going to be able to wear… or even, if I can get shoes on, what am I going to look like walking? Probably I’ll be walking with some sort of limp that I’ll be trying to cover up so I won’t have to answer any questions from people who really don’t want the real answer. Is it a good idea to walk today? Or will walking just make the RSD worse to where tomorrow I won’t even be able to walk even with a limp?

These are some the thoughts that I have on my RSD days. And they are so incredibly exhausting… (also they are rated PG and devoid of the cuss words that are usually floating around in my head.) Right now my foot is just an aching, BURNing, sore, mess and I kinda wish sometimes that someone would cut it off and hook me up with some robotic replacement ala Anakin Skywalker’s replacement hand that he got at the end of Episode II (I think that’s when he got it) or Wormtail’s replacement hand that Voldemort gave him at the end of The Goblet of Fire. (Erm… I’m pretty sure I just unveiled myself, once again, as a HUGE geek… but I don’t really care because I have done that sooo many times on this blog that by now this should not be a shock to any reader of The Diary.) I kindof think that would be pretty great. Either give me a cool robotic foot or give me a new and improved S-1 nerve that is FREE of RSD/CRPS, please.

Well, now it’s about that time that I have to drag my bum foot out of bed and attempt to do things that I already don’t want to do because I know that it is all going to involve lots of BURN and lots of pain.
I am foreseeing a day that is going to involve me wearing socks (wool socks) with sandals.
The truest of true fashion sins in my book… but possibly unavoidable today.

~sigh~ This promises to be a most un-fun day.
(It also involves Calculus…)

Well, today was a snow day and it couldn’t have come at a better time because I have been feeling like crap for days now.
In fact, I missed my run/walk yesterday because of the sheer awesomeness of the current Nello Pain Factor. (Ohyeah. The Nello Pain Factor. It’s real. And it’s real awesomely bad sometimes.) Yes. I was absolutely horrified that I missed day 10… but I made up for it today by trading what was supposed to be my beloved walk-only day for the run/walk that I missed yesterday. About forty-five minutes ago I finished my run/walk in which I, KellyNelloSometimesCalledJello, actually ran three minute intervals while only walking one minute in between….. and made it. Yep. I did it. With minimal pain.

At the end of the run, I ended up with some minor swelling and an angry red foot… the usual. But, also, something new. I also had some weird radiating tingling going up the entire length of my right leg. It was like electric pulses going from my foot and traveling up my leg. I blame the run AND the new medication that I’ve been on since the Doctors told me that my optic nerves were still swollen. (Said medication is wreaking absolute HAVOC on my life, by the way. HAVOC, I tell you! HAVOC! My RSD foot is constantly burning and tingling. CONSTANT.LY. I am NO LONGER SLEEPING at night. Yes. No sleep at night for Nello. And I feel as if I am going crazy. Yep. Kah.RAZY. in the head.)

Um, anyway….
The run/walk, other than the missed day yesterday, is going ok.
In fact, the run/walk is going sooo ok, that today on the mill I actually had other thoughts than, “when is this going to be over?”
Basically, I found myself describing, to myself, what I must look like to others while I run.

Here’s what I came up with.
Basically, if you wanna picture me running, all you have to do is get ready to laugh (seriously, it’s gotta look really funny), picture a semi-loverly lady with a tomato-red face that has an expression of pain on it, now add to that scene with the semi-loverly lady that she drags her right foot almost imperceptibly at all times (you really do have to look for it, but it’s there), and then, finally, add that she looks like an extremely drunk girl trying to run on a treadmill (you know… because of my balance problems on account of the whole swollen optic nerve drama).

Seriously.
A drunk chick trying to run on a treadmill.
What could be funnier than that scene?
I can totally see it. It’s all there… right there in my head.

So, I’m, like, running along, running along, and then, “WHOA! WHERE did that sidebar of the stupid treadmill come from? It came outta nowhere, I tell ya. Whoa. There’s the other one! Maybe I should hold onto one of ‘em for a while just to make sure I stay straight…… Yes. Hold on. That’s the ticket. Close eyes. Maybe the room will stop spinning, too. Breathe. Breathe.”

Yep. Drunk Nello on the Mill.
Not much that’s funnier.
But whatever. I move forward anyway, laughing laughing the whole time because what else can I do? I mean, it is pretty hilarious to watch.

When I went back and re-read what I wrote, I found that it read pretty pathetically, but I didn’t mean it that way, really. I do get through fairly fine, I really do. My obstacles are more frustrating than anything else and they get me mad, NOT sad. The only time I ever get sad about my optic nerves anymore is at night when I can’t sleep because of the new medication. And I figure that the only reason I’m sad is because I’m too tired to keep the stupid tears inside my eyes. Anyway… I really do want to make it clear that these obstacles make me frustrated and pissed off. But sad and sorry for myself? Ummmm….. Hardly.

**UPDATED***
Do you remember the SNL version of Drunk-Girl?

*You’re gonna have to click on this video to see it, aparently.*

THAT character is what I had in mind when I pictured a drunk-girl attempting to run on a treadmill. Seriously. I know I look exactly the way Drunk-Girl would have looked would she ever have attempted to portray that fete in an SNL skit. I would have LOVED to see that skit…

Anyway.
Now you see what my sick little mind saw when I imagined Drunk-Girl on the Mill….. if you used your imagination, that is.

Well, can you?
I can’t.
Wait. Scratch that.
I can.
This is sooooo my luck.

But. As Tyson has pointed out to me a few times today, the day is not over yet and I can still find a way to get my run/walk in. The question of the year, however, is HOW? Because I am NOT going to do this run/walk business масиoutside because, well, it’s ummm, freaking COLD and COLD and FREEZING out there. (It’s cold enough that there is still snow upon the ground AND there’s a rumor going around that there is more snow on the way.) I could go to the college and work-out for cheap but I really don’t like crying from major pain and suffering in public soooo….. As you can see, I am stuck. (And kind of a baby/complainer/princess.)
What to do, what to do.

Well, whatever. I’m determined. I have a creative mind.
Let’s see what I come up with by the end of today.
Hopefully I come up with something that helps me get in my freaking 30 minutes.

Seriously, people. Who am I?
Who is this person who is actually expending real brain energy looking for a way to run?
Who is this person who is actually on the brink of real depression because a freaking treadmill is broken?

Where has Nello gone?
It seems as if some stupid treadmill has eaten her up.

***UPDATED 6:16PM***
Turns out it was not my creative brain that saved the run.
The Husband worked some mysterious Man-Magic on the dead-mill and the thing now WORKS.
Holy.Cow.
I LOVE this man.
I don’t know what he did, but I know it involved the internet and an allen-wrench.

And because of him Nello was able to finish out Week ONE of Project: Nello Runs.
~and the small crowd goes mildly wild~

Yesterday, Day5, was a good day for the run/walk and the RSD.
Today, around 5:30 pm, was an ok day. The BURN was in full effect, but it did NOT make me cry and my foot is only an angry pink and half as swollen as it was the other day that I told you about.
All in all, I would say that I am doing good.
I am proud of myself that I finished out the whole week and I really do think that I deserve some sort of medal or something.

Now…..
Let us see what next week will bring.

Oh, and ps…
Did I tell you that I started school again?
Well, I did. ~snore~
(I’m soooo excited, can’t you tell?)
I’m taking Calculus (fun for all), Chemistry 2 (hoping that this semester I get to actually blow stuff up instead of just reading about it), Cell Biology (yesterday I got to actually look at my own DNA and I decided that upon inpsection it looked really abnormal and that is why I am having sooo many health problems), and 3rd level Spanish (y me encanta espanol y querer ser fluencia en espanol ahora)!

(Yes, after 2 full semesters of college spanish, I am still really, REALLY bad at the language. But I still love it and I still try try try my hardest.)

Hasta luego amigos.

Yesterday was a run/walk day and boy was it a day. I was sore to begin with and I hate being sore because I’m a bit of a baby/complainer that way. About five minutes into my run/walk the BURN began in earnest and it really did not let up at.all. Once again, however, the BURN was not to a degree that would cause me to quit altogether, but it was worse than my previous run/walk session. About ten minutes before my run/walk was scheduled to end the BURN had been so persistent for ever-so-much longer than I liked, that tears were beginning to brim. I quickly felt like a wimp which made the tears spill over. Not.cool. This made me really pissed off which made the tears stop. Such a complicated being I am… No wonder the husband often looks at me with a confused look on his face.

Anyway. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a clock so vigiliantly as I did for those last ten minutes. I wanted nothing more than to take my shoe off and elevate my angry foot. I learned really fast (it probably took me two minutes) not to watch that clock. It was like watching water boil. So I tried my hardest to concentrate on the songs playing on my playlist and I thanked the heavens above for my new iPod and for the husband who just gave me the new iPod for Christmas. The last minute of the run/walk was soooo painful I almost hit the “stop” button early on the Mill. But my OCD kicked in and gave me a “no-way-in-hell” lecture and I stuck it out. I got off the Mill, overcame that weird after-treadmill-experience-feeling as fast I possibly could, walked into my apartment, fell onto the first carpeted surface I could find and started crying while gingerly taking off my right shoe as quickly as could. Then I had to take my stupid sock off which was even more painful than taking off my shoe was. Once the stupid sock was off I was able to see just how angry my foot actually was at me. It was swollen and looked like it had been dipped in red Kool-aid. Well… at least it wasn’t totally purple. By the time I went to school an hour later, the color was back to what it always looks like and the swelling had gone down a little. By the next morning the swelling was completely gone and the color still looked the way it always does.

So. I run/walk again tomorrow and I am hoping for a better day. And if not better, then at least not worse. I seriously, SERIOUSLY want to see this thing through, people. I would do so much to make sure that this works. I know so many people would just tell me to just run through it. But it’s not really a matter of just running through the BURN and being tough about it. If the BURN keeps me up at night, if the BURN is persistently BADBADBAD, or if the BURN makes it so I can’t walk anymore, then the jig is up….
But.
I am hoping this doesn’t happen.
I’m betting the freaking FARM this doesn’t happen.
No.
This WON’T happen.

It.Just.Won’t.
Oh.
It just can’t.

A HUGE thanks to all those who commented (and those who called me) and are cheering me on.
It means a lot to me to know that I have support from my blog friends, regular friends, my family, and, of course, the one who started it all, my husband.
I know I just started this whole adventure, but I already feel a change mentally and it feels good.