So… I’m gonna have to repeat week three of Project: Nello Runs because RSD has for sure found this latest after-school TV special to be very, very interesting. (AKA: RSD, my RSD, has relapsed. I’m still not sure why it has relapsed, but I am fairly sure that it has. I’m not sure to what degree and for how long, either.)

Fun for me.
Yeah, right.

I’m hoping that this will, obviously, be NOT long.
Because, guess what?
IT HURTS!
It’s like, all of the sudden the ground got, like, ten THOUSAND times harder, on ONE of my feet. (The right one, if you were wondering.) So, putting pressure on my right foot, like, really sucks. It hurts a lot. And, I really try not to do it. But, that makes walking and standing really awkward and difficult.

Enough of the depressing RSD talk.

Umm… so, remember when I posted those videos of Drunk-Girl the other day?
Well, SNL, I believe, has found a somewhat replacement for her….
Meet SNL’s version of “Jersey Shore’s”, “Snookie”. (I, out of good conscious, cannot bring myself to link to either of those things, because, WHOA. The show is just WOW and the other is also just HOLY MOLY.)

Here you go. A present from me (and by “me” I mean SNL) to you:

Anyway. Hope you enjoyed that.
I know I did.

I’ll let you know when I get to start week 3 again….
And when the BURN stops…
And when the relapse goes away…

I started week three of the program last night and successfully was able to run five minute intervals, with the one minute walk in between, for thirty minutes. Tyson tells me that this is a huge accomplishment… and I appreciated that.

Since it is winter (um, it’s freaking COLD out there) and I am running on the Mill, I can tell you that the pace that I “run” at is a 14 minute, 17 second mile and the pace that I walk at is a 20 minute mile. I told you that I was happy I could take this program at my own (leisurely) pace… and, well, I am also very happy that this is NOT a race. Cuz…. uh…. I would be, like, uh, LOSING! But, whatever, right? I may be “running” at a pace of a somewhat fast walk, but I AM running (~cough~ jogging ~cough~) and that is saying something considering that I do happen to have one angry, protesting right foot on my hands.

So, how is the angry foot?
Last night, after the run/walk, I thought all was well and usual. The foot was dark pink, a tad swollen and tingly. Big deal. Been there lots of times and I have learned to largely ignore and move on. Which is exactly what I did. Fast forward to this morning at about 6:03 am.

Two words I have for you:
The. BURN.

I had actually been sleeping well. I know because I hadn’t woken up once last night and I hadn’t been half awake all night. So, to awaken from such a deep, wonderful, sleep only to experience BURNing pain and the sound of a moan escaping my larynx is not the greatest way to wake up. I couldn’t even bear to have the sheets touching my foot. It was enough that air had to touch it. Every few seconds brought what felt like fine, flaming needles that would jab into my poor foot ceaselessly. After the flaming needles went away the temperature of my foot would drop to well below zero and I would attempt to warm it up by putting it under the sheets. Not a great idea… Because then the flaming needles would return and the temperature of my foot would soar to literally two-million degrees. (Ok, maybe not literally, but you get the idea.) Then, the cycle would begin again. (And as I lay here typing out this blog, the cycle is still happening, even though I am writing in the past-tense.)

Oh, yes. I can’t win when the RSD decides to hang out in it’s pajamas and watch an after-school special inside my S-1 nerve. Nothing.Helps. NOTHING. And I hate it.
And I also don’t know how long this is going to last.
And I also don’t know if I’m going to be able to put shoes on today. And that’s always good times.

I don’t know if this running project of mine is making this happen.
I kinda don’t think so because this stuff has been going on anyways for three years. If the frequency of the BURN goes up, or the intensity of the pain, or if new symptoms of RSD start happening, then I’ll blame the running project. But until that happens, I am loathe to blame Project: Nello Runs and jump ship this early.

RSD seriously, seriously sucks. I am reminded of that fact, especially, on days like today where it really, REALLY hurts and threatens to disrupt my day and my family’s day. I really HATE that right now I am not sure what shoes I am going to be able to wear… or even, if I can get shoes on, what am I going to look like walking? Probably I’ll be walking with some sort of limp that I’ll be trying to cover up so I won’t have to answer any questions from people who really don’t want the real answer. Is it a good idea to walk today? Or will walking just make the RSD worse to where tomorrow I won’t even be able to walk even with a limp?

These are some the thoughts that I have on my RSD days. And they are so incredibly exhausting… (also they are rated PG and devoid of the cuss words that are usually floating around in my head.) Right now my foot is just an aching, BURNing, sore, mess and I kinda wish sometimes that someone would cut it off and hook me up with some robotic replacement ala Anakin Skywalker’s replacement hand that he got at the end of Episode II (I think that’s when he got it) or Wormtail’s replacement hand that Voldemort gave him at the end of The Goblet of Fire. (Erm… I’m pretty sure I just unveiled myself, once again, as a HUGE geek… but I don’t really care because I have done that sooo many times on this blog that by now this should not be a shock to any reader of The Diary.) I kindof think that would be pretty great. Either give me a cool robotic foot or give me a new and improved S-1 nerve that is FREE of RSD/CRPS, please.

Well, now it’s about that time that I have to drag my bum foot out of bed and attempt to do things that I already don’t want to do because I know that it is all going to involve lots of BURN and lots of pain.
I am foreseeing a day that is going to involve me wearing socks (wool socks) with sandals.
The truest of true fashion sins in my book… but possibly unavoidable today.

~sigh~ This promises to be a most un-fun day.
(It also involves Calculus…)

Have I ever told you how much I LOVE snow days?
No?
Oh, YES! I Have.

Well, today was a snow day and it couldn’t have come at a better time because I have been feeling like crap for days now.
In fact, I missed my run/walk yesterday because of the sheer awesomeness of the current Nello Pain Factor. (Ohyeah. The Nello Pain Factor. It’s real. And it’s real awesomely bad sometimes.) Yes. I was absolutely horrified that I missed day 10… but I made up for it today by trading what was supposed to be my beloved walk-only day for the run/walk that I missed yesterday. About forty-five minutes ago I finished my run/walk in which I, KellyNelloSometimesCalledJello, actually ran three minute intervals while only walking one minute in between….. and made it. Yep. I did it. With minimal pain.

At the end of the run, I ended up with some minor swelling and an angry red foot… the usual. But, also, something new. I also had some weird radiating tingling going up the entire length of my right leg. It was like electric pulses going from my foot and traveling up my leg. I blame the run AND the new medication that I’ve been on since the Doctors told me that my optic nerves were still swollen. (Said medication is wreaking absolute HAVOC on my life, by the way. HAVOC, I tell you! HAVOC! My RSD foot is constantly burning and tingling. CONSTANT.LY. I am NO LONGER SLEEPING at night. Yes. No sleep at night for Nello. And I feel as if I am going crazy. Yep. Kah.RAZY. in the head.)

Um, anyway….
The run/walk, other than the missed day yesterday, is going ok.
In fact, the run/walk is going sooo ok, that today on the mill I actually had other thoughts than, “when is this going to be over?”
Basically, I found myself describing, to myself, what I must look like to others while I run.

Here’s what I came up with.
Basically, if you wanna picture me running, all you have to do is get ready to laugh (seriously, it’s gotta look really funny), picture a semi-loverly lady with a tomato-red face that has an expression of pain on it, now add to that scene with the semi-loverly lady that she drags her right foot almost imperceptibly at all times (you really do have to look for it, but it’s there), and then, finally, add that she looks like an extremely drunk girl trying to run on a treadmill (you know… because of my balance problems on account of the whole swollen optic nerve drama).

Seriously.
A drunk chick trying to run on a treadmill.
What could be funnier than that scene?
I can totally see it. It’s all there… right there in my head.

So, I’m, like, running along, running along, and then, “WHOA! WHERE did that sidebar of the stupid treadmill come from? It came outta nowhere, I tell ya. Whoa. There’s the other one! Maybe I should hold onto one of ‘em for a while just to make sure I stay straight…… Yes. Hold on. That’s the ticket. Close eyes. Maybe the room will stop spinning, too. Breathe. Breathe.”

Yep. Drunk Nello on the Mill.
Not much that’s funnier.
But whatever. I move forward anyway, laughing laughing the whole time because what else can I do? I mean, it is pretty hilarious to watch.

When I went back and re-read what I wrote, I found that it read pretty pathetically, but I didn’t mean it that way, really. I do get through fairly fine, I really do. My obstacles are more frustrating than anything else and they get me mad, NOT sad. The only time I ever get sad about my optic nerves anymore is at night when I can’t sleep because of the new medication. And I figure that the only reason I’m sad is because I’m too tired to keep the stupid tears inside my eyes. Anyway… I really do want to make it clear that these obstacles make me frustrated and pissed off. But sad and sorry for myself? Ummmm….. Hardly.

**UPDATED***
Do you remember the SNL version of Drunk-Girl?

*You’re gonna have to click on this video to see it, aparently.*

THAT character is what I had in mind when I pictured a drunk-girl attempting to run on a treadmill. Seriously. I know I look exactly the way Drunk-Girl would have looked would she ever have attempted to portray that fete in an SNL skit. I would have LOVED to see that skit…

Anyway.
Now you see what my sick little mind saw when I imagined Drunk-Girl on the Mill….. if you used your imagination, that is.

Can.You.BELIEVE.My.Luck.

Well, can you?
I can’t.
Wait. Scratch that.
I can.
This is sooooo my luck.

But. As Tyson has pointed out to me a few times today, the day is not over yet and I can still find a way to get my run/walk in. The question of the year, however, is HOW? Because I am NOT going to do this run/walk business масиoutside because, well, it’s ummm, freaking COLD and COLD and FREEZING out there. (It’s cold enough that there is still snow upon the ground AND there’s a rumor going around that there is more snow on the way.) I could go to the college and work-out for cheap but I really don’t like crying from major pain and suffering in public soooo….. As you can see, I am stuck. (And kind of a baby/complainer/princess.)
What to do, what to do.

Well, whatever. I’m determined. I have a creative mind.
Let’s see what I come up with by the end of today.
Hopefully I come up with something that helps me get in my freaking 30 minutes.

Seriously, people. Who am I?
Who is this person who is actually expending real brain energy looking for a way to run?
Who is this person who is actually on the brink of real depression because a freaking treadmill is broken?

Where has Nello gone?
It seems as if some stupid treadmill has eaten her up.

***UPDATED 6:16PM***
Turns out it was not my creative brain that saved the run.
The Husband worked some mysterious Man-Magic on the dead-mill and the thing now WORKS.
Holy.Cow.
I LOVE this man.
I don’t know what he did, but I know it involved the internet and an allen-wrench.

And because of him Nello was able to finish out Week ONE of Project: Nello Runs.
~and the small crowd goes mildly wild~

Yesterday, Day5, was a good day for the run/walk and the RSD.
Today, around 5:30 pm, was an ok day. The BURN was in full effect, but it did NOT make me cry and my foot is only an angry pink and half as swollen as it was the other day that I told you about.
All in all, I would say that I am doing good.
I am proud of myself that I finished out the whole week and I really do think that I deserve some sort of medal or something.

Now…..
Let us see what next week will bring.

Oh, and ps…
Did I tell you that I started school again?
Well, I did. ~snore~
(I’m soooo excited, can’t you tell?)
I’m taking Calculus (fun for all), Chemistry 2 (hoping that this semester I get to actually blow stuff up instead of just reading about it), Cell Biology (yesterday I got to actually look at my own DNA and I decided that upon inpsection it looked really abnormal and that is why I am having sooo many health problems), and 3rd level Spanish (y me encanta espanol y querer ser fluencia en espanol ahora)!

(Yes, after 2 full semesters of college spanish, I am still really, REALLY bad at the language. But I still love it and I still try try try my hardest.)

Hasta luego amigos.

Today was officially Day 4 of what I now term, Project: Nello Runs.
I walked for 30 minutes straight, which translated into a little over a mile.
I really do love the walking days… and I do hope that I somehow grow to love the running days. Because right now, I do not love them. I don’t dread them either, but I feel the dread coming.

Yesterday was a run/walk day and boy was it a day. I was sore to begin with and I hate being sore because I’m a bit of a baby/complainer that way. About five minutes into my run/walk the BURN began in earnest and it really did not let up at.all. Once again, however, the BURN was not to a degree that would cause me to quit altogether, but it was worse than my previous run/walk session. About ten minutes before my run/walk was scheduled to end the BURN had been so persistent for ever-so-much longer than I liked, that tears were beginning to brim. I quickly felt like a wimp which made the tears spill over. Not.cool. This made me really pissed off which made the tears stop. Such a complicated being I am… No wonder the husband often looks at me with a confused look on his face.

Anyway. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a clock so vigiliantly as I did for those last ten minutes. I wanted nothing more than to take my shoe off and elevate my angry foot. I learned really fast (it probably took me two minutes) not to watch that clock. It was like watching water boil. So I tried my hardest to concentrate on the songs playing on my playlist and I thanked the heavens above for my new iPod and for the husband who just gave me the new iPod for Christmas. The last minute of the run/walk was soooo painful I almost hit the “stop” button early on the Mill. But my OCD kicked in and gave me a “no-way-in-hell” lecture and I stuck it out. I got off the Mill, overcame that weird after-treadmill-experience-feeling as fast I possibly could, walked into my apartment, fell onto the first carpeted surface I could find and started crying while gingerly taking off my right shoe as quickly as could. Then I had to take my stupid sock off which was even more painful than taking off my shoe was. Once the stupid sock was off I was able to see just how angry my foot actually was at me. It was swollen and looked like it had been dipped in red Kool-aid. Well… at least it wasn’t totally purple. By the time I went to school an hour later, the color was back to what it always looks like and the swelling had gone down a little. By the next morning the swelling was completely gone and the color still looked the way it always does.

So. I run/walk again tomorrow and I am hoping for a better day. And if not better, then at least not worse. I seriously, SERIOUSLY want to see this thing through, people. I would do so much to make sure that this works. I know so many people would just tell me to just run through it. But it’s not really a matter of just running through the BURN and being tough about it. If the BURN keeps me up at night, if the BURN is persistently BADBADBAD, or if the BURN makes it so I can’t walk anymore, then the jig is up….
But.
I am hoping this doesn’t happen.
I’m betting the freaking FARM this doesn’t happen.
No.
This WON’T happen.

It.Just.Won’t.
Oh.
It just can’t.

A HUGE thanks to all those who commented (and those who called me) and are cheering me on.
It means a lot to me to know that I have support from my blog friends, regular friends, my family, and, of course, the one who started it all, my husband.
I know I just started this whole adventure, but I already feel a change mentally and it feels good.

This is NOT a joke.
I started a new runners program today.
…..
I KNOW!!
Are you up off the floor yet?

I never thought that I’d see the day either, but here it is.
Today, on January the eleventh in the year two thousand and ten, I, Nello, also known to some as Kelly, started a beginners running program with the aim of getting my poor, broken down body into as good of shape as I can get it in to. Friends, this is NOT about losing weight. Mostly this is about showing myself that despite the fact that my body continues to fail me, that I still can do some things; and that includes keeping (or, in my case, starting to get) my body healthy. I’m getting older and I don’t want to wake up one day and wish I would have done this sooner.

I also happen to have a husband who is positively addicted to running. He runs at least three to four days a week and I don’t even want to tell you how many miles he puts in…. because it’s a lot. The man runs so much that he has to buy new running shoes every quarter because apparently you can only run so many miles on one pair of shoes. Did you know that? I had zero CLUE about that fact… I only thought that was applicable to tires for crying out loud! I had no idea that it applied to the rubber soles on your feet as well. Tyson also subscribes to Runners World. So every time I enter the bathroom I see that magazine glaring at me in the reading rack. I even read it every once in a while. (~gasp~) Well, after four or five years of watching my husband fall in love with running, and after hearing him suggest to me ever so politely (many times) that I try to take up running myself just to see how it made me feel, I’ve decided to give it a go. ~shock~

About two months ago I asked Tyson to find me a beginners program, something easy, something “Nello friendly”. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you know that I have RSD (CRPS) and you know that it afflicts my right foot. You also know it causes me much pain, BURNING pain, and that there are days that I cannot walk. RSD also notoriously causes swelling and nasty color change, all without a cure and all without a known cause. All that is known of RSD is that it is a neurological disease that affects the nerves (in my case, it is the S1 nerve) and causes the afflicted nerve(s) to “misfire” and wreak all of the havoc that I have just previously described. I have had RSD since November-ish of 2006 and am at this point considered “stable”. I still have bad days, but they are not that frequent and over the years I have learned many ways in which to deal with the every day pain of it all.

I just gave you the short version of my RSD story, and now you know why I needed a running program that was “Nello friendly”. I hate the BURNING pain of RSD and I try really hard not to trigger it. The other reason I need a “Nello friendly” program is because of a recent health problem that involves the swelling of both of my optic nerves. The Doctors I am currently seeing think I have a pseudotumor, but so far the medication they have given me to treat said pseudotumor hasn’t worked. Whatever is going on, pseudotumor or not, I am losing my vision in both eyes (but much more rapidly in my right eye), I am getting literally blinding headaches, and I am having major balance problems (people and walls keeping running into me a lot lately).

Ha!hahahahaha! I just gave you the short version of my papilledema/pseudotumor problems….. and I am laughing! Because I went back and read those last two paragraphs and realized that I have every reason in the world NOT to do this stupid running program! What a JOKE! Runners World would get either a good laugh out of my story (”Running is not for you sister… Swimming is more up your alley! Or water-aerobics!”) or they would consider using it as a cliche “anyone can do it” inspirational pieces. (That is, if I actually saw this thing through…) Can’t you just see it? The Full-Time Mother/Student with RSD and Papilledema Who Decided to Lace Up Her Trainers and Leave Her Incurable Health Troubles Behind Her. To me, this is soooo funny. So funny that this is me, that this is MY life. But I know, to a few others, this would be like one of those inspirational posters people put up in their cubicles at work…. ~shudder~ Well, whatever…. Enough with my weird inner thoughts. Moving on to what I came on here to tell you.

The program I’m doing is an eight week program, (Tyson found the program at Runners World if you care to join in on my fun) at the end of which I will, in theory, be running thirty minutes straight. Today, Day ONE, I ran one minute, walked two minutes, and repeated that sequence ten times. So I actually exercised for thirty minutes straight and ended up running/walking two miles just because of the pace that I kept. The great thing about this program is that you go at your own pace AND you GET to walk!! I know the walking gets phased out, but you work up to that part and I like it.

As far as how my RSD did with it, I thought it went ok. About half way through the workout, the BURN (do you like the all caps for “BURN” whenever I talk about RSD pain?… didja even notice?) began, but it wasn’t bad enough to stop me or even to make me want to stop. And, so far I haven’t had any residual pain because of the workout and I take this to be a very good sign. As far as how my swollen optic nerves did… lets just say that the balance issues were a definite problem. It’s a good thing that our treadmill has the side-rails to hang onto because without those I would have fallen off. And I am not exaggerating. I would have fallen sideways off the side of that thing within the first two minutes. I just have no balance. If I didn’t hang on I ended up walking on my out-step (not even sure if that is a real term or not…) and then would get all wobbly. You see, I haven’t had these “severe” balance problems long enough to remember that every now and again I need to hang on to stuff in order to stay upright. Ugh. So.Annoying. Anyway… Day TWO, tomorrow, is just a 30 minute walk which I am very much looking forward to.
My plan is to keep the blog updated with my progress. This is a big deal to me and I really hope my body is up for the task because I’ve got big plans.

The big plan?
The big plan is this:
If I can stick this out, and get through these eight weeks, and get to the point where I can run for thirty minutes straight, my plan is to run in one of the RSD half or full Marathons that no one ever hears about because RSD is just not very well known. I’m going to track down the next RSD Marathon and I’m going to RUN it (either half or all of it, depending on where I’m at and what my body will let me do at the time). I’m going to run the WHOLE freaking thing and that will be my way of really, truly telling RSD to go straight down to Hell, right down where it belongs.
I’m pretty sure I’m ready. I know I’m more than ready to be rid of RSD and since that is impossible, this is my next best option; to figuratively kick it to the curb. And if I can run any distance longer than a meter, then, really, I’ll have done just that in my opinion.
I feel ready…. I just hope my body (most importantly my foot) is ready!
Wish me luck. And if you want, stick around to watch to potential train wreck!

Oh! And Happy Belated Holidays!