Life.
What can I even say?
At this point, there is nothing more I can say…. about ????????that, anyway.

If I could somehow convey to anybody how unbelievably frustrated I am with my body in general, I think I would feel like I could breathe easier. But anymore, the words definitely are not there. I feel that I’ve been complaining, explaining and talking about the very same problem for so long now that all possible words have been used and that it is not worth the mind power any longer to attempt to describe how much this has sucked.

You’ll have to excuse any rash emotions that come through in this post because I really don’t sleep well any longer and therefore, you are reading the thoughts of a delirious lady. For the last few nights… and then some, I’ve been waking up intermittently because, oh, I don’t know…. my foot and calf feel like they are on FIRE. Which also means that even when I am sleeping, I usually am thinking to some degree about how sore or on fire my foot is.

Long story short, there isn’t too much more that my Doctor can do for me and is now suggesting that I go to a CRPS/RSD specialist (who knew there was such a one/) down at UCLA. Apparently he treats people just like me and there is a glimmer of hope that he may be able to help me out. I don’t know when all that is going to come together, but when it does, I will let you know.

Everything else in my life is moving forward regardless of any aliments of mine. Guess what? Simon starts Kindergarten in September and Helene starts Pre-School at the same time. Which means that BOTH of my kids will be gone, at least three days a week, at the same time. Holy.Moly. Am I excited? Um… YEAH! Am I freaking confused that they have gone and grown up so fast one me? Uh.huh. I feel that I am being abandoned way too soon by them. I mean, I always counted on having one or two more kids, so the fact that I have had no babies to follow my Simon and Helene means that I am left on my own a lot sooner than I had anticipated. And now the big question is, “What do I do?” Who knows. I am sure I will figure it out though. And eventually, I’ll be fine with the whole situation.

I think that this marks a momentous occasion here at the Diary. This is the first, yes, the absolute first, entry that I am not going to go back and re-read and edit. I don’t want to. And I have not the time anyway. My foot has recently chimed in with it’s fiery opposition at me being seated here any longer.
Therefore, have a great Memorial Day Weekend.
I know I will!
Cuz I am going on a REAL vacation to see FRIENDS!!!!

I had foot surgery three weeks ago as of this Friday.
It was a complete nightmare.
Which is why I haven’t been blogging or doing much of anything, actually.

RSD has returned in full force to mine and my family’s life. Actually, not only has it returned, it is worse than EVER before. (By the by, I didn’t think that possible.)
I ended up in the E.R. in the wee hours of the morning after the surgery.
Suffice it to say that I have NEVER experienced pain like what I experienced for the first two days after the surgery. And I’ve had a baby shoved back in me while in FULL. BLOWN. LABOR!
So, you know, the pain was freaking bad.

Now, after almost three weeks, I am fighting the fight and hoping and praying for spontaneous remission. So far I’ve had enough gumption and pain tolerance to start driving and to wear flip-flops around instead of my beat up slippers. I attempted regular shoes and WOW. Not good. Blood was involved. And, um, ouch.
I am just getting back into sitting at the computer and so far, my time limit before color change, burning tingling pain, and swelling, is about ten to fifteen minutes.
I love my life.

Take a look at the pictures.
Warning.
Not for the queasy.
*(Even though the pictures do not do what the feet looked like in reality justice.)*

This picture was taken seven days after the surgery.

This picture was taken seven days after the surgery as well… Just after that last piece of yellow-nasty gauze finally fell off.

The stitches are now out, and the bruising is a little better.
However, every time Simon sees my exposed feet (usually they are kept under socks) he says, “Eeewwww. Grrrr-oh-s.”
And with that, I leave you to feel sorry for me.