It was bound to happen.
It happens to all of us.

~sigh~ Birthdays.
I’ve had 30 of them.

Yesterday I said a teary goodbye to my 20’s.
In fact, I’ve been saying that same teary goodbye for three days now. (Yeah. That would be the day before the doomday, the day of, and now TA-DAY!) (And yes I meant to type ‘TA-DAY’.)

I think I’m really emotional not because I just loved my 20’s so much, but because I’ve just been put through the ringer about five times over and I am tired. I think my tears are somewhat happy, actually. To say goodbye to the past three years is seriously a welcome moment in my life. But the sadness returns when I think the stupid and DUMB thought that now I am old.

Walking into my 3rd decade seems much like I’m about to look down a scary, steep, precipice. I don’t really want to look down that steep, sloping valley, but Time, it seems, is ruthless. That big-fat-brat “Time” is pushing me against my will. I’m gonna have to look soon, I know that. So I might as well embrace my age and say to hell with it all!

I’m freaking 30 years old and I look better now than ever before. (You read that right.)
I’m 30 freaking years old and I am determined to feel younger and more healthy from this day forward. So what to do from here? Be happy and do the things that I always wanted to do but couldn’t do in my 20’s.

So guess what Ladies (and the few Gents that lurk here)?
It turns out that 30 really is the new 20.
And I am now living the Dream.

I brought my party to Helene because she was too konked to make it!

And this is my Red Velvet birthday cake. Oh.Baby.

Before I tell you about how excited I am about my surgery, let me update you on the drama and basic pain the A that is my stolen purse.

The A-Holes who stole my stuff are now forging my checks and buying CRAP all. over. town. Even though the account is closed. Did ya get that? The account in question is Kah-Lozed, and these people are still able to buy stuff with MY checks. I don’t get it. The A-Holes are dumb, the merchants are dumb, and my Bank is dumb. Ya see? Ya see how I was not kidding when I said I was dealing with a bunch of morons?

Morons aside, however, I am seriously PISSED that these jerks are still jacking with me. I am more than ready to scream about this. But really? All I’d have to do, or the friggin’ cops for that matter, to catch them is to hang out at Bed Bath & Beyond or Walmart. They LOVE those places. Funny, because I hate those stores. And now? I hate them more than ev.er.

*Warning of the upcoming, screaming rant*
I HATE COWARDLY THIEFS. LEAVE MY FREAKING STUFF ALONE ALREADY. IT AIN’T YOURS YA MORON! EVERYTHING YOU SEE DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. REALLY. IT FREAKING DOESN’T. SO KEEP YOUR MITTS OFF MY STUFF ALREADY!!!!!

Sheesh. I am glad I got that out of my system.
Now I am really ready for surgery!!
Probably by the time you are reading this, I will be under the knife.
YAY!

I am absolutely sure I will be fine and that everything will work out just dandy. I am excited to get my hand back to normal and be able to wear my rings and bracelets again. Oh… and also be pain free in that area.

Anyway… I haven’t posted any pics lately, so I thought I’d hook you up with one of Vivian Leigh (who is HUGE) and her new friend Jackie O.

And now because I just can’t help myself, here’s a close up of Jackie O. She is a year old and still looks like a hatchling. I’m gonna see if I can make this dwarf a giant.

Alright blogland. I am signing off so I can get some sleep. Surgery starts at 6:30am… and I. am. ready. Wish me luck and NO pain!!

So by now you know my purse was stolen.
And all I can say about that at this point is, “What.A.Night.mare.”
Oh yeah… and I still don’t have a replacement phone. (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)

It has basically taken me forever to call every company known to man to let them know what happened and that I need new cards, etc. I think it is pretty clear, in that process, that I am going to be able to talk to a bunch of wackadoos. Lucky me. But here is the one who gets the Gold Nello Star for “Crappiest Conversation In A VERY Long Time.”

~Beeboobopboobeepbloobleee~ (Dialing a phone…. duh!)

Me: “Um, hi. My purse was stolen yesterday and my library card was one of the things in my purse. I need to know if I can just get a new card or if I need to get an entirely new account.”

Library Nazi: “Uhhhh… When did you lose card?”

Me: “Yeah. I didn’t lose it, it was stolen. And that happened yesterday. You know, on Sunday.”

Library Nazi: “Why not you call?” (By the way, This is a word for word conversation. Seriously.)

Me: “What do you mean? Why didn’t I call you yesterday?”

Library Nazi: “Yeah.”

Me: “Uhhh…. because it was Sunday and…” (the idiot cut me off here.)

Library Nazi: “We open Sunday.”

Me (pissed off now): ” ‘Til what time?”

Library Nazi: “Five.”

Me (sarcastic): “Well, THAT’s WHY!”

And then I blanked out. I don’t remember if I hung up or if the guy that thinks the freaking Library is more important that a BANK kept talking. He probably kept talking and I was in such awe of his idiotness that I couldn’t listen any longer.

Can you IMAGINE?? “WHy didn’t you call the Library before you called the Bank to alert them of imminent fraud on your bank account?!!!!? Don’t you KNOW that someone could check out a library book under your account and… and…. NEVER turn it back in???”

Holy. Crap.
I cannot believe that I’ve been subjected to so many morons in such a short amount of time.
I’m pretty sure they sucked at LEAST 25% of my brain out through my ear and into the phone because oh. my. goodness. I feel more stupider (is that a word?) than ever.

Answer: Your mind is literally filled to the brim with random, useless things (read: things that only YOU will think are funny) to write about.

I am pleased to announce that I am there.
Oh yes. I am ready to do this thing.

First on my list? Uhhh… do you notice that just to have January on my blog archive list that I post-dated the last entry (read: cheated)? Yeah. My O.C.D. is in full effect and I could not feel more normal.

Second. I am ever aware of my cyclical food cravings. I don’t know that I’ve ever written about this issue of mine specifically, but I know I’ve mentioned random cravings here and there. I think the last one I wrote about was Jujy Fruit candy. As of late, things have become quite interesting as far as what my body (not my mind) is telling me to eat. The first and foremost is potato bread with mayo, mustard, turkey, provolone and smashed Lay’s Pototo Chips. High fat and bad for you. Oh, how I love it. (Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.) The next craving I have is bubble gum. Yes. That would most certainly be the little kid, turn your mouth unnatural colors-not long lasting high sugar flavor, bubble gum. Oh.Baby. And the last one that I’ll admit to is bagels with cream cheese…. toasted with way too much cream cheese. This one is SO bad that I have one almost every. single. morning.

As you can see, I am back to, what I like to call, “Nello-Normal”. It is so good to be here.

Things have been ever the same over the last few months. I still have foot problems, I’m still a citizen of crazyland, and I still have carpal tunell syndrome. I’ve added a few medical related problems to that list…. (one being I have surgical screws working their way OUT of BOTH of my feet) but what else did you expect? I actually will get my carpal tunell surgery on February 15th and I am seriously SO happy and excited. I absolutely cannot WAIT for my right hand to NOT be swollen. Here’s to no more fat fingers!!! After that surgery will most likely be foot surgery which will probably be followed by a few more series of the dreaded nerve blocks. Blahblhablahbleeblooblooblooblooblee.

Now I’m going to completely get serious on you. I know. I’m sorry… but it has to be done.
In the middle of December I found out that one of my very best friends on this great green earth has breast cancer. She is 29 and has 3 little boys all under the age of 6. She had a double mastectomy with reconstruction a week or so before Christmas and is now undergoing chemotherapy. Char is a stage 2 cancer and her Doctors are very, very confident that this cancer of hers is treatable. I went to see her and help her out in the middle of January and I plan to see her again the very next possible time I can get away. My heart broke when I found out and it broke even more when I was with her. I know she is going to be ok, but it kills me to know of what she is going through right now and also that there is even the slightest chance that I may not be able to see her until the hereafter. Sheesh. I can’t even get through this stupid paragraph without tearing up. I know that we are all very aware of what breast cancer is. I just want to ask all of you to do a little bit extra to contribute to the research being done to find a cure for this horrible disease. I would die a little inside if I lost my friend. So please, can we all get on the stick and do something? Walk a “Race for the Cure”, donate to the Susan G. Komen fund, or even donate the top of your Yoplait lids. All I have to do is think of Char’s family and I want to do all I can. She has the cutest little boys on the planet (except my Simon, of course) and they need their Mommy. Heck. I need their Mommy.

The very last thing I wanted to do on this comeback post is to write my very first “open letter”. (A blog cliche, to be sure, but I think for my purposes, there is no other way.)

An open letter the A-holes that broke into my car and stole my purse while it was parked in my Church parking lot:

Dear A-holes,
I just wanted to say thank you for violating my personal property. I cannot tell you the joy I felt when I walked out of Church to find that my purse, wallet, and phone were stolen while I was attempting to “better” myself. I was so happy to find out that you had a hey-day at Ross with my debit card. I seriously hope you got some kickbutt steals and at least got away with a great pair of Reeboks and/or L.A. Gear jeans. After your run at Ross it is clear that your car needed fuel and that you needed to buy some overpriced slurpee because you spent nearly a hundo (read: hundred bucks) at the nearest “quickie-mart”.
I could go on and on about how you attempted to fleece me, but I really don’t have the time as the list is so long and so. DAMN. ridiculous. If I could just give you some friendly advice, however, that would be great. I think you should buy yourself a dictionary with my credit card. Really. I’ll let you. I would love you to look up the words, “mine” and “yours” and then attempt to demonstrate, by not stealing other people’s possessions, that you understand the meaning of those two very elementary terms.
Thanks so much,
Nello
ps. You are a dirtbag and I hope you go to prison.

I leave you all now with a very belated (so belated, in fact, that it is FUNNY) Christmas greeting from the Family of Nello.