And I’m better.
Wow.
That sucked.
And I don’t really want to talk about it too much.
The thoughts may just stir up some more nausea… and I won’t handle that well. Trust me.

Suffice it to say that I was very sick for a solid two weeks. There was a day and a half within that time period that I felt like I really would die. Really. But that is all behind me now and I am actively trying to forget how I felt. I realize that I’ve been yammering on and on lately about my health problems. And I am fully aware of how boring that is… but you know… I can’t help it. These issues have literally ruled my life for the last (almost) nine months and this blog is the one place where I can sort of let go of it all.

Once again, I am so utterly SICK of being sick I don’t really know what to do with myself. My foot situation is pretty stable as of right now. When I say, “stable”, I mean that nothing is changing. Nothing is getting worse and not much is getting better. After my last round of nerve blocks I am now able to wear a shoe on my afflicted foot without too much discomfort. Other than that my foot is ever how it was before. I believe that I will have to live with RSD, to some degree, for the rest of who knows how long. The longer this thought lives in my head, the more used to it I am getting. Let me put it this way; I no longer cry my eyes out when someone asks me how my foot is doing.

ANYWAY. I am done, for now, about talking about how healthy I am.
What I really want to do is share a post that I wrote while I was sick.
I was moblogging (blogging from my cell phone) while I was sick, but never posted any of the stuff I wrote. The following is a post I wrote about Simon and Helene when I decided that I needed to stop dwelling on how sick I was feeling.

Enjoy!

***************
I like it when Simon comes out of the bathroom with his pants undone and says, “Mommy… Puntss brrrOH.kkin.” (”Pants broken.” That’s what he said… sheesh with all the translating, I know!) He is so funny about it! He comes in front of me and acts like he is really trying very hard to button those pants…. But being the genius I am, I can tell that he knows it’s just easier to come and have me button the jeans for him. I really haven’t gotten on him about it either because I LOVE that he tells me that his pants are broken. I will be very sad when that phrase exits his vocabulary.

I like it when Helene is deliriously tired and proclaims, “Ah leepy,” while rubbing her eyes and sticking her bottom lip out. Not only because the way she says “I’m sleepy” is just so melt-your-heart-cute, but because I know that when she’s that tired she will actually go to bed without throwing the biggest, most dramatic fit of her fit throwing career. She’ll actually tell me she loves me instead of screaming the injustices of life at the top of her lungs. (Which, I love too…. I mean. Who wouldn’t?)

**This Just In**
If you love Will Ferrell, internet skits, and are not averse to a level one and two cussing toddler, then you HAVE GOT TO WATCH THIS SKIT. Go watch it and come back and commiserate with me on how you laughed til you cried. Which, by the way, only took me about 30 seconds to achieve. But don’t forget. I warned you about the level two cussing toddler.
Thanks to my little sister Meppy for passing this gem on to me. Heaven knows I need all the laughs I can get right now.

I am so sick right now.
What else is new, right?

It started Friday night.
I got in the car to go on an actual date with Tyson and a massive wave of debilitating nausea swept over me.
And ever since then the waves just keep coming and coming.

I can’t drive in the car for more than four minutes before I am so sick that I just want to get out and WALK to wherever it is we’re going. I barely made it through the first 45 minutes of church on Sunday when I asked Ty to take me home so I could cry for the next hour or so about all my sick and tired-ness. And right now? I’m lying on my couch like a sick little kid while Helene keeps pouring her bucket of finger puppetts all over me. Simon is actively trying to engage me in a light saber duel but I have lost all power.

This is all blamed on a recent medication switch. I feel like death. And I’m more than just a tad pissed off about this stupid medicine. This stuff is supposed to help me… make my life a little easier. It’s not supposed to confine me to a prostrate position and suck the very LIFE out of me!

I don’t know how much longer this is going to go on… but I can tell you that I won’t be back on the internet until this horribleness goes away.

Until then I’ll be on my couch.
Wondering why we have so many finger puppetts and trying to find the strength to hold up a plastic light saber.

When my foot looks like this:

I stop doing normal activities…. Like laundry, for instance.
And that is why Helene is wearing the most non-matching outfit in the history of fashion.

She’s still workin’ it though, isn’t she?

…. Before we got married, I mean!

Six years ago, on this very night, Tyson and I were at a luau in Laie, Hawaii.
That night was one of the happiest times in my life.
I was about to marry the man who waltzed right into my existence and changed everything.

There was a brief period of time in my late teens and very early twenties that I was sure that I would never be truly happy ever.again. I honestly felt that happiness would elude me because I didn’t deserve it. I also thought that no man worth marrying would ever dare hitch himself to a girl like me. A “girl like me” is a girl that was still recovering from being sexually assaulted and was also fighting a losing battle with massive chronic pain. Just be real about “that girl” for just one second here before we get all mush-gush. “That girl” is carrying around two issues that both entail so many “side” problems that she is destined to be in therapy twice a week for at least another two years… if she’s smart.

Enter Tyson.
He’s the guy that could see past my emotional scars and pain.
He’s the guy who showed me that happiness would not elude me.
He’s the guy who was, and still is, worth it.

I knew Tyson was “the one” for many reasons. But one of the most important reasons was that with Tyson I became genuinely happy for the first time in three very long years.
The happiness that I felt was the kind that you cannot fake.
You know…. the kind that is visible.

God blessed my life when Tyson dialed my phone number for the very first time.
Because with Tyson came much needed safety and laughter.
I am so grateful that I’ve been able to share these last six years with my only love and truest friend.

Happy Anniversary Tyso!
You’re the only one.