What? You Don’t Want Me To Leave?
This is really a surprise to me.
I know you probably don’t believe me…. but you should.
I just want to say, once again, that I am really overwhelmed and touched by all of your emails and comments. (Even the one that told me that I was a bad writer.)
I guess I should come clean about this whole mess.
Really, the reason I’ve got to take a break is pretty simple.
I’m sad.
Some would call it “depressed”, but since I HATE that word I will just stay in my comfortable place known as “denial”. You see, once upon a time, about eight years ago, I was severely depressed. I mean, depressed to the point that I attempted to leave this life. By choice. Needless to say, I had an extended stay vacation at a local resort (read: mental hospital) where the staff made sure that I was comfortable (read: alive). I left the hospital when I was well rested (read: “safe”) and went straight into about three years of continuous therapy. I was twenty years old. And this is why “depression” is an ugly word to me.
No. I am NOT severely depressed.
I am just not having a fun time with life.
And breaking my foot has not helped one bit.
There is a lot going on in my life that I am not going to share with the internet.
I don’t feel that I have to because I’m sure that ALL of you know what happens when LIFE happens. When life happens, it means that things aren’t going well. It means that things just keep going wrong. I want to put it out there, however, that my kids are healthy and that I am still in a very happy and stable marriage.
After thinking about this over the past several days I believe that this is going to be a break and not a permanent goodbye. I don’t know for how long, but I do know that it will be at least until my foot is all healed up. Apparently I don’t function very well when something inside of me is broken. It’s as if when I broke my foot I broke my spirit at the same time. And heaven knows, I am no good if I have a broken spirit.
I will miss you all. Thanks so much for being a community that I really felt a part of. Thank you for your acceptance of me and all of my ranting and crazy talk. I found support in this community that I have never encountered before. I have met some amazing people who have truly become friends. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for stopping by here every once in a while. I don’t think that I could ever express what that has meant to me.
Nello.Out.
91 Comments »
Kelly, Rest, refresh, heal. You will be so missed but we’ll welcome you back whenever you decide to return. Take care of YOU.
Sending one of those really nice meaningful “you are loved” hugs your way.
Karen
Glad to hear it won’t be permanent. I mostly lurk, but I really enjoy reading your blog.
Feel better and come back when you’re ready.
I completely understand, really. I’ve been there for sure. I think you are one who keeps yourself so busy that when you broke your foot and had to slow down, your mind took over and you had time to start thinking. And we know how dangerous THAT can be! lol. Take a rest. Visit when you can. I’m just glad I got to know you before you decided to take a sabatical! God speed my friend.
Do what you need to do. Take as long as you need…we’ll be here when you get back.
Love ya!
Ohhhh Nello!
You know that we love you, and that we will all be lost without you, but you have to have your priorities, and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost! We will try to be as patient as possible, and just don’t ever forget, when life happens, my money is on the Nello!
FO SHO!
Honey I so know where you are coming from. Ive been there and are currently going through it! I have bad days still but to know people love and care get you through it! Chin up hunny! Ill keep tabs on your blog, will miss you but glad to hear its not permanent. Keep in touch hun.
Hails
Sounds sensible to me- you go and heal, I empathise- truly, from experience.
hugs to you! xxx
I have been there too Nello. I understand what it means to be ’sad’. I am sad you are leaving for now. But you really have a strong mind to know when you need a break and to actually take it to rejuvinate your spirit. You are strong for knowing when you need a rest. Some pople don’t.
We’ll be here waiting for your refreshed return.
Just remember that this community can be supportive in other ways as well…and that is to say, your admission of being sad can prompt other sad people to support you, empathize, and provide insight that you may not have thought about.
Sadness often causes people to draw away from exactly what would help them be not sad any more. I’ve seen too many people turn away from friends and into themselves. Be careful of how many people you remove from your life during your sadness…because lonliness NEVER helps sadness. never.
I hope that things start looking up for you very soon. We will miss you, but you certainly deserve a break. I, for one, feel much better knowing that you will indeed be back! Hang in there, and remember we are all here for you when you need us.
I think that we have talked about this before, but I deal with depression, too. It does take it out of you and make it harder to deal with when you do something like break your foot. Or when you have symptoms of fibromyalgia or lupus. It just wipes you out and makes dealing with your emotional issues all that much more difficult.
Take a break. Know that we are all here thinking about you, praying about you and waiting for your return.
I hope you feel better soon.
Having lived that state of dpression for most of my life I do understand. Do what you have to do for you and family. If/when you come back most of us will still be here. Take care of you! Best wishes, happy thoughts and Gods blessing all go out to you!
I’m sorry to hear you’re sad, and I can understand why you need a break. It’s really hard to write anything when you’re feeling that low.
I’m glad to hear that it’s just a break, though. Take care of yourself so you can heal.
(I just went through a year and a half long injury that caused depression. It really affects every aspect of your life, so I know where you’re coming from. I got a pain in my gut reading your post. Hang in there, Kelly.)
Nello -
I’ll miss you while you are gone and I’ll be watching for your return. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of funny stories to tell us about your recovery, using your crutches, and just life in general.
Take the break you need. As my dad says, “take your time goin’, but hurry back!”
LBC
you will be missed!!
Oh sweetheart! That took a lot of courage to write. I’m proud of you, I’m thinking about you, I’m hoping that you get better. And I can’t wait until you’re back in the Internet-World!!!
I’m happy that we’ll hear from you again when you’re feeling up to it. and thanks for telling us why even though you didn’t owe us anything. Hope you’re feeling happier soon.
Nello, take care of yourself and then come back when you are ready! We will all be here when you return waiting patiently for new pictures of your adorable children and that garden gnome. Make sure to heal youself completely and then come join us again for some fun
Take care of yourself, Nello. You will be missed.
Babe, you’ll be sorely missed – but sometimes you do what you gotta. There’ll be a big, Nello-shaped hole in blogland, but know that we’ll all be here upon your triumphant comeback.
Take care!
I just got back from out of town, so I’m late in catchingup. You will be greatly missed. But you do need to heal and take care of yourself and your family first. We, however sadly, willw ait and hope you return. Good luck and be well, Nello.
I hardly ever comment, but I still read you ever day.
Feel better. I (and my bloglines) will still be waiting when you come back.
I wish you the best in everything.
Hope you feel 100% soon…on the inside and the outside!
We will miss you…
*Trials give you strength, sorrows give understanding and wisdom*
You will be missed…but come back once you are “healed”. Depression…or extreme sadness as I like to call it…is a tough one. HUGS…
hey girl. try cymbalta. if it helps me with my chronic pain and depression, maybe it will help you. Peace.
Good luck and God Bless you. I am glad to hear it is just a break and not forever. We will always be here when you decide to come back
I hope you are feeling like yourself again soon. Like everyone else, I too will be waiting for your return.
Take Care.
take the time to do what you need to…hope you’re feeling better soon…you’ll be missed.
…we’ll be here when you come back…
xxoo … all the best to you!
i sure hope you get to be feeling better soon; the foot and the spirit.
take care of yourself; we’ll be here when you come back!!
Nello, aka Kelly,
I understand that it is just one more place where you have to put something out there, when what you really need is to focus on you.
So I will miss your daily ranting and joking; you are very funny. And I wish you all the best and hope you are feeling better – all aspects of you – very soon.
Kristin aka Krisco
Be well, friend. I will check in on you, every now and again — and miss you.
I will miss you dearie. Please take care of yourself.
This is sad. Your my first blogger that I read and love and now your leaving me. I am sad. Now enough about me.
I am SO sorry things are going badly and I hope they clear up. I KNOW EXACTLY what your talking about as far as life sucking. I hope that when things clear up and your foot heels you’ll be back to sunshine and rainbows. Love you Kelly and I sincerely hope everything works itself out.
See you soon.
Your courage is amazing! What a hard post to write. We are all here while you are decompressing. I am sad you are leaving and you will be greatly missed. Thanks for the design of my blog. Just think-you have made the most postitive impact on my blog. Thanks!!
taking care of YOU is number 1. do it. we will all be here when you get back because we luff you like that. big hugs darlin!
Kelly, I admire your honesty and your strength… not just in this post but always. I hope things look up soon, and when life gets hard, well I’d put all my chips on the Nello everytime. I can hardly wait until your back to blogging, you will be missed. Take care of your self. See ya soon.((hugs))
I’m one of your biggest fans and will be here when you come back. I’ll miss you! I love your take on life and I’ll miss your style! Hang in there!
Have a good break and get better.
I am so sorry that you have hit a low point and hope that taking a break will help you find the energy to bring yoursel fback to a well place
I know we dont know each other, except for a brief email conv. about blog hosts and site design but if you need to vent and dont want to unload on anyone feel free to unload on me
Blessings
mama kelly
Hang in there kiddo. It will get better. Just remember to breath. I know sometimes that is the hard part.
I only recently found your website, and I love it. I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. All I can offer is to echo what everyone else has said: take your time healing, do what you need to do, and know that there will be many people looking forward to your return.
I am really going to miss you! I hope you find peace. Take all the time you need. I look forward to your return.
Kelly… you are so amazing. You’re beautiful… talented… giving… loving… hilarious… sarcastic… yeah, pretty much everything I see in myself
Seriously… I will miss you so much, but it is so much more important to take care of you and your family than to entertain me.
You will get better. You’ll have so much to share when you return. And you’ll have us all here waiting for you!!
M-I-S-S YOU MUCH!
We shall call it a break then. And you WILL be back.
You’re an awesome person Kelly and I hope we can continue our friendship off-line. Lunch next month when I’m up? (HINT: Yes.)
Take the time you need.
xxoo
Lena
Oh Kelly, best of luck to you. It took a lot for you to admit some of those things and I’m proud of you. I hope that all of you heals quickly and that in the meantime you can enjoy some time with those beautiful kids and that sweet husband of yours.
I’m glad you decided that this will be a break because I really love reading your posts. But, not to sound redundant, take all the time you need!
I’ll be thinking of you!
I’m glad to see now that this might not be a permanent leave, but perhaps just a break. Blogging takes so much energy and creativity, that when life happens it can be hard to keep up. And it sounds like you’re having a difficult time of it in general. Wishing you the very best.
Hi again. Thanks for sharing your deepest secret with us. We are very similiar. You and I. And I only wish you the best of life’s offerings and wonderful blessings.
Great news though … someone who was visiting thru your website found my art blog and contacted me tonight. They are going to “hire me out” and have me design them some stationary sets/greeting cards to send to the troops overseas. None of this could or would have been possible had you not designed me the most awesome art blog ever. So thank you.
Many blessings to you. And I still have the greeting cards here waiting to be sent to your home…. I just lost your snail mail address. Email it to me: inky@iw.net and some will arrive on your doorstep to cheer you up this weekend.
Peace and happy wishes only, Amy
Take the time you need. As most of the other have said we have been there so we know how you feel. It is hard to battle depression and you do what ever it take to make you feel better.
Knitt like crazy…work with your hands and not your mind….it does wonders.
Sending love and prayers your way.
Kelly:
I am late getting here because I have stepped out of blogland myself, but still lurk.
I’m so sorry to hear things aren’t going as well as they should be. As everyone else said…take your time, feel better. I look forward to your return.
I’ll miss you until you hopefully return. I’ve been feeling a little blah myself lately. Big hugs and I hope you feel better soon.
*sob*
I’ll keep checking back!
Hang in there.
I think you are an amazing women. My thoughts are with you.
Shannon
Hold On Nello. Hold On. I know the feeling well. I know how entirely consuming it can be and just getting out of bed every day is a monumentous task in itself. Hold on. Give it time. Rest yourself and recover. Come back when you’re ready.
Thank you for explaining everything to us. Although I guess it’s really none of our business. Yours was one of the first blogs I ever read, in fact I don’t even remember where I linked from. But I really enjoy you and I hope you feel better soon. I know it’s really really hard to sit around and let others take care of you and feel like you are not even helping out at all. I was doing laundry the day after my third child was born, not because I had to but because I felt useless sitting around. It’s hard. I will continue to check in on you and wishing you well.
Kudos to you for taking care of yourself. I love your blog…and will pray for you and your family. You have given me inspiration in writing…and the desire to be honest and not evasive. Honesty is power! Take care…thanks for your voice.
Take care of yourself – that’s the only important thing right now. I hope you get happy very soon.
I’ll pray for you, Kelly. We’ll be here when you get back.
I’m glad you have the courage to fight for yourself. It’s a rougher journey than pretending but worth it. I will pray for you, too. You will make it.
Love.
Wow, I just returned from being out of town to find your message. I’m sad to see one of my favorites leaving, but you definitely need to take care of yourself! Renew your spirit, and come back when you’re ready.
Hey, we all wish you the best; emotionally, physically, & everything-else-ally.
Read ya later, alligator!
Hope you get well soon!! And, for what it’s worth, I think you’re a good writer! Take care, and speedy recovery!
I’ll check back and hopefully you will return soon. Hope you get better mentally and phyiscally soon.
Your a great writer
Oh Kelly, I am so very sorry. And sad. I will miss you and send positive thoughts your way and hope that you’ll be back soon.
That said, (and I’m sure you’ve thought of this yourself) maybe you could start an anonymous blog to write about your feelings. I think getting it out always helps. I am learning from experience that it’s quite difficult to maintain a blog where “…everybody knows your (real) name!”
Kelly, I know exactly where you are coming from.. Take your time..heal yourself and you will be missed..we will be waiting patiently for you.
..
still missing you…
how’s the foot? I hope you are drugged to the lilt, so you don’t feel a thingy. Be happy!
Kelly, I’m basically a lurker too, but I just wanted to say thanks for all the stories and giggles you’ve shared with the blogging world. It’s been a pleasure reading your blog and I think you are very talented! Rest, heal, and do what you need to do, girlie.
I don’t come around that often, but I do check in, and nonetheless I am sad that you are taking a break… or rather that you need to. I was very depressed and suicidal in my early twenties as well, and I often feel like sadness is a slipery slope, so I can’t say I understand, because I know nothing about your life, but I can say that I empathize. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe you should keep your Nello site for your designs, and start again anonymously…??
Take a well deserved rest and break and hopefully we’ll see you back soon! We’ll miss you!
I hope you heal quickly and get back on both feet soon. I also have a broken foot, and it’s draining on me physically and mentally, so I understand. Rest up!!!
I also hate the “D word”.
Thanks for the good times. I hope you’re able to heal soon, inside and out, and feel on top of things again.
Looking forward to peeking back here to see that you’re doing well.
Truly, I hope everything comes together for you soon.
I wish you lots of strength and power, if you call it D or not, sometimes life is so hard i’ll tell you.
Just a kiss and a flower from the country of flowers
xmandy , amsterdam, holland
Still missing you!
I don’t know you and I don’t know what you are going through but when life gets to be too much always remember that after every storm their is a rainbow and some where someones life is three times worse than yours thats not saying that yours isn’t bad or what your going through should be ignored. I guess what I’m saying is that tomorrow is a new day.
Aw Nello! You take time to get yourself better and we’ll be here waiting for you to return. I’ve just read all your blog posts (yes I mean all, you just grabbed me) and must say that you have a fantastic blog. Really funny and cool! Plus your family and you are so so cute
Take care honey. Remember – lots and lots of chocolate and cuddles!
Hey Nello!
That’s all okay. I think a lot of us have had some form of depression; I know I have.
Come back to visit us anytime and we will be here when you do to welcome you back.
Holy… I made it all the way down 75 comments to say take care of yourself and do what you need to do. I’ll be waiting for your return. If all these comments don’t show you that you rock, well, cyber-shake shake shake!!!
You take care of yourself. Take your break. Rejuvinate.
Waiting for you return…
Whoa, I go to London and all of this happens? 1) Rest and 2) Don’t feel rushed to come back or guilty about leaving. We’ll all be here when you’re ready! Take your time and feel better!
I will miss you, but I promise to continue lurking and checking in.
I’ve had to refocus this summer, too. YOU first. Blogging and anything else, next,
And good blogging buddies who will always be here for you when you come back, too.
Oh .. I do hope that you come back – I have just discovered your blog and it is so good.
I can understand about the *sad* vs. *depression* thing, as I have been in both places as well. I hope that you feel happy (happier) soon!
mamak
I’ll miss your posts, they made me smile. Heal, foot, heal, so Nello can come back!
hugs
I miss you girlllll!!!!!!
Hugs.
Hi,
I just happened to stumble across your blog — albeit in a most untimely fashion it seems. I’ve enjoyed the entries that I’ve read so far. And I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a bluesy/funky time. It sounds like you’re making the right decision to sit out for a while.
Also, I’m sorry to hear about your foot. You’re sporting a nice pedicure in that picture. Was it a timing thing – that you hurt yourself a day or two after getting a pedicure? Or did you touch up the toes since you’re going to take a picture?
All right. Both are completely meaningless questions. But perhaps I’m seeking meaning in the mundane.
Well… Take care of yourself. And one day I hope to enjoy some more blog entries. Good luck with everything.
I’ll catch you on the flip side – get well.
My prayers are with you and know that you are not alone. If you need anything, let me know.
So glad to hear you’re back
Hey woman! I love the new designs. Why are you not blogging? I think youshould start up again. YOur designs look great!
OH NELLO WHERE ARE YOU?????? come back soon.
I don’t know your problem well enough, so it’s hard to comment on that, but I do have persons in my surroundings that have depressions, anxiety attacks and even psychosis which make me understand a bit about what you’ve been gone through at least.
It’s very difficult and I don’t know why it seems to increase with this kind of problem. It’s a sad development though. The world of today is too cold, no thoughts of the human value in things, just money, money money and stress that rules everything which makes everything much more worse.
I come to think about a lot of quotes that I feel fit in, for different reasons, so the below text is written from them with minor adds.
The more I think about it, the clearer it seems to me that life simply is here to be lived.
All animals, except from human, knows very well that the main purpose of life is to enjoy it.
I always take out the joy in advance. Otherwise it will never be any.
The whole world is filled with miracles, but we are so used to them, that we call them everyday things.
Only one sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.
I hope you have some good friend. A friend is like a rainbow. They brighten your life when you’ve been through a storm.
Take care
Keep loving your children,
Keep loving your husband,
As you are loved by
Family and
Friends.
Site – very comprehensive and meticulous from all sides, it?s good! Just excellent website, I sure!
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