A short show and tell.

…About being a Mom.

1. Having to surrender any food that you may be eating (and really WANT to be eating) just to appease the curious, picky eater. AKA: Simon.
2. Announcing to the masses that I have to use the “potty” and then getting a screaming “NO” in response. Not to mention the ensuing tantrum that is thrown for the duration of the “Mommy-potty-time”.
3. Being yelled at 49% of the day. You know… Because I don’t always understand their language, they decide that if they YELL at me then I will finally start to understand the injustice of being a toddler.
4. Being told, “I made a big mess”, and leaving out the important part. “Oh. And did I mention that YOU are the lucky lady that gets to clean it up?” I just love cleaning up soggy gold fish crackers. Don’t you?

…Or for anyone that may care.

Remember how I said I was making a quilt for a friend that was having a baby? Well, the baby in question was born on my birthday (lucky kid) and that was on the last day of February. I FINALLY finished the quilt on May 12th. (Hey. I was about 2 and a half months late. I suck. I know.)
Here are the pics! You can click on them to see the really BIG versions.

I am so glad I finished. My next project is going to be a “quiet book” for my kids. Some of you may know what this is because you had one back in the day like me… But those that are like, “What the crap is a “quiet book?”, it is just what it sounds like it would be. A book to keep the kiddlins quiet. I will use mine at Church. That is where my Mom used hers and I am just following in her footsteps. I want to finish by the end of June. Any takers on whether or not I will finish by that time??

Jen sent this video to me and I laughed really hard.
If you have high speed internet, six minutes to kill, and a real love for YouTube, the you HAVE to watch this.

This wrap is going to be FILLED with rants and raves.
I hope you can take it.

My freaking debit card number was stolen and the idiot who decided to pose as me tried to use it THREE times. Can you believe that some ass out there decided to try and steal MY identity???? That crap happens to other people. NOT to me. (ha!) I have NO clue how this happened but luckily I bank with Wells Fargo. A bank that KNOWS that I would NEVER use my money to buy anything at CDW…. Let alone $619 worth. All ranting aside though… How does my bank know that the charges were fraudulent? Do YOU know? Because I don’t.

I was at the grocery store last night at 11pm. Usually I am cool with shopping that late. Not last night though. I had to channel Jedi Force to get my butt to the store. I really, truly did NOT want to go. And though I tried a Jedi mind-trick on Tyson to get him to go, my powers failed me. He saw right through my trick and before I knew it I was in my car and on my way. (Seriously. How DOES he do that?) Anyway…
I was checking out and there was no one around to bag my groceries. This means that checking out was really slow. (read: Not my fault) As the checker was scanning my check (because my freaking debit card was cancelled because of the JERK who thought he/she could steal MY identity) up trotted a lady in a pink track suit who looked EXACTLY like a rat. Not kidding. A.Rat. She looked pissed but I didn’t care. Just when the Rat put down her Depends (Yes. You read that right.) the check scanner thing (so technical, I know.) was experiencing difficulties and the checker man had to call in for an “over-ride”. (Love those.)
This is when the freaking RAT audibly starts sighing in an “I’m so annoyed that you are ruining my life” kind of way. She was relentless. Finally I just turned and stared at her. I was just begging her to look at me and make eye contact. Because if she did I was ready to lay into her with a big old, “Just what the crap is your problem” and “How about you pipe it before I call for a price check on that razor that I just bought just to piss you off even more.” See? I had it all planned out. But she didn’t look at me. She just turned her skinny pink butt away from me. Coward.
Hey. You want to act like I am the biggest problem of your life then you freaking better have the guts to face me.

Have you ever flown Jet Blue? Well. We flew Jet Blue to and from JFK airport recently. And I have got to tell you that Jet Blue flight attendants (not stewardess’) are RUDE. (At least the ones I came across.) On the red-eye flight going out there I asked the flight attendant (not stewardess) for a pillow. Please remember that I was on a red-eye flight and that I had taken a dose of Nyquil prior to take-off so that I would sleep. The flight attendant looked at me with the most annoyed look on her face and said, “~sigh~ I’m going to have to look to see if we even have any more. ~sigh~” I said, “Okay.” And she sort of looked at me like, “You’re really going to make me look, aren’t you?” I could not believe that: A.- Jet Blue could run out of pillows even BEFORE the plane took off. and B.- That this chick could be so put out with a simple request for a freaking pillow on a RED-EYE flight. So what gives? I thought Stewardess’ Flight Attendants were suppposed to be of the happy, helpful sort. I have other rude flight attendant stories but I won’t go into them now. I will, however, tell you that Direct TV does not compensate for the most uncomfortable airline seat that I have ever sat in. EVER. And that is saying something because we fly a lot.

On a lighter note:
I posted this video a while back but most of you didn’t get to see it because it was removed from the site that I found it on. Well. As it is THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN (currently) I found it again. Seriously. Thank me. Because you WILL laugh.

And now I will leave you.

Thirteen Things About My Trip To The City

1. Went to David Letterman.

The guests were Debra Messing (pretty much boring) and Mad Dog Russo (? — But he was REALLY funny).
The best part was Dave, of course.

2. Went to a party celebrating the premier of Salon Diaries.
Tyson and I danced.

Are you standing up now? I KNOW!!!
I am pretty sure we haven’t danced in about five years. (For good reason. Obviously.)

3. Saw Phantom of the Opera.
I know I am about eighteen years behind on the uptake… but.
I loved it.
The guy that played Raoul looks EXACTLY like Will Forte. I was pretty distracted by this. Sad. I know.

4. Saw Avenue Q.
You may or may not know what this is…
But puppets swearing and performing obscene gestures is ALWAYS funny. Even if it is HIGHLY inappropriate.

5. Shopped.
Oh the shopping. I cannot even begin to tell you of the shopping.
Just know that if you just knew, you would be jealous. (Okay okay… I hit the Gap and that is it. ~wink~)

6. Got my hair done.
My BIL Michael works at Warren Tricomi on 57th street (for those of you in Manhattan that are in need of the BEST hair colorist around.) and is a brilliant, brilliant man.

7. Saw Sweeney Todd.

This revival was really pretty extaordinary. If you are like most people, you are probably wondering what the crap Sweeney Todd is. Click the link or listen to my unsophisticated version. If you’ve ever seen Jersey Girl (I cannot BELIEVE the things I admit on this blog) then that is why the title seems familiar to you. In that movie the little girl re-enacts a scene from Sweeney Todd for a school talent show. There. Now you know what it is, don’t you.

8. Got caught in a massive Times Square crowd because freaking Christina Milian was having some lame concert.

I’ve never seen so many people plugging their ears in my WHOLE life.

9. Went to Fordham University to see my BIL graduate.

So proud of Michael. What a great day and what a tremendous accomplishment.

10. Went to MoMa.
Was worth it because I saw some Van Gogh originals (Uh-freaking-mazing) and discovered two artists that I like.
Vasily Kandinsky and Umberto Boccioni. I loved those two paintings.

11. Saw Chicago.

And it was absolutely FABULOUS!
Those boys in those velvet tights…. whoa. And not like “whoa” in a turned-on kind of way… “whoa” in an astounded kind of way. (You know I had to clarify.)

12. I went completely voyeuristic when I saw this chick wearing angel wings.

What the? It’s a bad picture, I know… But can someone please explain this to me?

13. Tyson went all voyeuristic when he saw this really great comb-over.

A comb-over in the Bronx. I loved every second of this moment.

All in all it was a fantabulous trip and it was well worth the five year wait….
Even though there was a mass “discussion” over how to pronounce the word “kibosh“. Click the link and then click the pronunciation. I won’t go into who was right and who was wrong… nope. Not going to. (*note to the confused readers… this part is mainly here for those that were there for the discussion*)

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